Wednesday, January 28, 2009


So I think I am going crazy in a matter of words. Lol, my weird sleep schedule attached to my sometimes echo built work load is nothing. And by nothing I mean the way things are going its not weighing on my subconscious at all. But the thing that is making me paranoid is reading and research. I find myself googling like a crazy person in those late wee-night hours. Dreaming and hoping for something more magical then I already have. Like there is some hidden word that I haven't yet discovered that when I google will open up a whole new world of ideas and surroundings.I am always looking for new ideas or funny things to read. So its almost like a life line to the world. Which btw is snowing great guns outside.

I woke up this morning at an unknown time and went into the bathroom. Everything was pitch black yet I kept having this creepy feeling that something or someone else was in my apartment so I shut my bathroom door and sat in the bathroom in the dark. I kept having flash backs to "Saw One" in which the little girl kept telling her dad there was someone in her closet and he didn't listen. I stuck my hand out and ran my fingers over my closet door in the bathroom. The wooden blinds barely responded as I pressed on them.
I got done with what I was doing and flush and as normal washed my hands but I closed the bathroom door behind me. I felt better with the door closed but then I tried to talk myself into being "a big kid" and I opened the door. I didn't feel so good anymore. I turned around and stared into the bathroom and it was this gaping pitch black hole with a door frame. Something wasn't right and I could feel it. A surge of paranoia took over me and I raced into my bedroom and I shut my door.
As I laid back down to sleep all I kept thinking was I have to go here tomorrow and I must do this. My bedrooms temperature quickly dropped without the circulation of warm air and cold and I bundled up under two comforters. I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing and a familiar hello. What an odd thing paranoia is.



littlepapoose said...

hmmmm.. ive so had that feeling. like who is watching me??
all i can say to you is, sometimes its just the fact that you live alone and with that comes that wierd fear. OR... (and this maybe weird but not so much to me) i would search the apt. for places a landlord could have hidden a camera! yes, that right... a camera. those sneaky buggers can fit just about everywhere.
And i hate to deny such and instinctive reaction as paranoia on just nothing. :)

ClemArt Design said...

Lmao, well I dont think it would be the land lord with cameras more the maintenance man. Lol, which is even more creepy.
And yeah it is because I live alone. its like someone is there...someone